Haven't written in awhile because there hasn't been any news.
I am still going about my baby plans, but again today I got my period.
I have now done 9 inseminations, and no baby.
When I started this last January, I never thought I would be writing in December saying that I still was not pregnant.
All for the price of $12,000.
Funny how when you want something, money really is not a deterrent.
I just figured it would work.
Now I am faced with a dilemma.
I have used all my stored vials.
If I want to continue trying, I need to again spend a significant amount of money.
At some point, I guess you have to ask yourself, how much money is too much money?
Am I being unrealistic?
Am I being selfish?
And then I go to work, and pick up someone's newborn baby, and smell them, and bathe them, and feed them.
And last night, I got my period.
At work.
While in a room where a woman was giving birth to her first baby.
A brand new baby boy.
Ten fingers.
Ten toes.
9 lbs 6 oz.
And at that moment, I hated my job.
I had tears run down my face when I gave him his first bath.
The father said to me, "I can't believe this is still so emotional for you to see since it happens everyday for you."
I smiled and said nothing.
And I hated them.
And envied them.
And pray with my whole heart that one day that will be me.

In case I don't post before the New Year, Happy Holidays!
And may all you wishes come true.
I guess we just need to believe.