One day, in a land not that far away, there was a naive young girl trying to fend for herself. Trying to find happiness while the world fought hard to bring her down.OK, well maybe not naive, but definitely pissed off and trying to understand people's intentions, whether good or bad. I hope you find my journey humorous.
Much to post, but not enough time at the moment. Updates to come. Many updates. You know.... The thrill of victory and the agony of defeat. That sort of thing. Will write soon.
So, It's been a while. I have been trying to get my head screwed on straight. And it seems to have worked......for now at least. I honestly have felt as if I was losing my mind. I was a total bitch (shocking I know). To everyone. Even people I enjoy spending time with. As soon as anyone opened their mouth I was giving them a blank stare and thinking to myself, "Can you please just shut the fuck up?" SO.... I am feeling much more upbeat, I guess you could say a new perspective, a new outlook. We'll see how long this lasts.
So, the little bastards have to pay. The court dates are done. All the little pukes have been sentenced. The 3 juveniles are as follows.... One failed to appear so the sentenced him anyway, and there is a warrant for his arrest. The dickwad across the street owes me $2400 and has 12 months probation. If he fails to pay his allotted $50.00 per month he goes to juvie hall. Since he will become an adult during his payment plan, if he then stops paying he goes to jail. As for his accomplices... The one who was the lookout got 12 months probation because he never set foot inside my house.....Whatever. The no show in court, who was one of the ones who came into the house, got the same as the first kid (12 months and $2400.00) HOWEVER, the fun part begins here... If he fails to pay me, the next door neighbor dickhead becomes responsible for his $2400.00 also. Smart Juvenile magistrate, huh? I know $50.00 a month each (2 juveniles and the 1 adult) will take forever to pay me off, but I do feel better knowing that they face jail or juvie if they fail to pay me. Let's see... $150.00 per month for a total of $7200.00 in restitution= 4 years. But it warms my heart that they did not just get a slap on the wrist, it has to come out of their pocket. And that hurts no matter who you are. Also, the victim witness lady told me a little tidbit- just as an aside. She told me to call 911 if I have any problems with the one next door... almost like she heard something. But I know the juvenile magistrate very well, family friend as a matter of fact. And I'm thinking justice will be served. And after a little chat I had with the little tike across the way, I'm thinking he knows.. HE FUCKED WITH THE WRONG BITCH THIS TIME!!!
I must say....My mood is definitely improving!!!!!!!!!
All I can conjure up is..... I don't want to be here!!!!!!!!!! Not in any way, shape or form. Not at all. Not feeling engaged in my day to day routine. Again...I DON'T WANT TO BE HERE! Mentally, I seem to be somewhere else. Hope my physical being and my mental being find each other soon. And hopefully when they find each other, it won't be here. Not loving HERE at the moment.
I so need a vacation. I am looking forward to being off this weekend. Away from work and the immature bitches who seem to forget that they are some of the highest paid employees in the eastern part of our state. Away from stupid questions. Away from the temperature-taking, hormone injection-poking, pill-popping, sperm-buying existence I have lived for the last 18 months.
I am in a bad place. I am in that dark place. And that usually does not end well for others.
I am feeling like the baby dream is never going to happen. 18 months of trying and still nothing. Not even a pregnancy scare. I am feeling like I will endure countless more Mother's Days that I will not be able to celebrate. I am feeling like I have waste almost $15,000. And for what. I have a crib in what should be the nursery. It is painted and ready. It has toys, a swing, a stroller, stuffed animals, more books than I know what to do with. I have diapers. And clothes. And no baby. At what point do you give up on a child that you know is meant to be. It seems to be my elusive miracle. I would keep trying as long as it takes, but that involves money. And so far I have not gone into debt for it. At what point do you face reality? How much more money is realistic?
I really wish I could find the light switch in my dark place. I'm not usually afraid of the dark. But I'm getting scared.
Finally, It feels like summer is on the way. Flowers are out. Vegetables are planted. Sun is shining. I am no longer cranky. And I am glad to be off tonight. I don't even care that I have to work this weekend again for the 3rd weekend in a row. It is getting warm out and that in and of it self makes me happy. I LOVE the warm weather. The hotter the better. I truly cannot remember a summer day that I thought was too hot or too humid. Bring it on I say.
So, my old sperm donor has vials available again. They are out of quarantine. (How wrong does that sound?) The company puts sperm in quarantine for a total of 9 months. It is disease tested at time of donation, then frozen for 6 months at -275 degrees Celsius. It is tested again at the end of the 6 months. And it is tested yet again 3 months later. Can't be too careful, thank god. So anyway, June should be the month to try again.
Had a fight with the entire day shift at work. That's always so much fun. Every morning I give what they call overview. This is where I give a quick update to the oncoming shift about all the patients on the floor. Important things, not little details. Then we give off-going nurse to on-coming nurse reports in greater detail. However, yesterday they apparently did not feel that anything I would have to say was at all important and refused to listen. And when I realized I was actually yelling over them, I blew a friggin' gasket. Literally, my face was so red, that I actually burst a small blood vessel in my face. Now, this is not a new dilemma. I deal with this disrespect from them on a day to day basis. But yesterday, we had some seriously sick moms and babies. Everyone should have been paying attention. So needless to say, I emailed all the other clinical leaders a note containing my frustration. And one of them showed the day shift. Now. Anything we share amongst the clinical leaders is supposed to be confidential. We have a rat among us girls. And that pisses me off even more.
THERE IS GOING TO BE HELL TO PAY !!!!!!!!!! So having tonight off is a good thing, even if it is only for one measly night.
So. Last week on Grey's Anatomy there was a song at the end when all the people were kissing and getting it on. HELLO - my new favorite song !!!!
It is "The Quest" by Bryn Christopher.
On a funnier note.... I had my septic tank pumped on Tuesday. By a guy I dated in high school. Anyway, to make a long story short, I put up with a lot of his shit in school, and now he has to put up with mine. Literally. Appropriate wouldn't you say! Not that I'm bitter. NO. Not sweet, little, meek, Melissa. Never.
I have been slightly cranky lately. OK, I guess it would be called "bitchy". I apologize to anyone who was on the receiving end. I am relaxed. I am happy. I am trying to stay destressed. Oh yeah, and HELLO!!!! Meredith and Derek are together again. Like I said. Life is good.
Ten Things You're Good At. This is a Meme to have people find the good in themselves. Your friends could probably do this about you with no problem. On yourself it's not so easy. Here I go... 1. Math....Any kind, Calculus, Statistics, I have this freaky numbers thing. 2. Tests. 3. My job... I can deliver babies, even without the doctor present if I have to. 4. Remembering people from years past. I can recognize people I haven't seen in 15-20 years. 5. Remembering period. I can remember phone numbers of my friends in first grade. I can pull odd facts out of nowhere that I haven't thought of in years. 6. I can cook a mean blueberry crumb cake. 7. Growing vegetables. 8. Getting what I want or need done. 9. Conquering my fears. (Well, except for spiders that is.) 10. Mental games, I can play with the best of them. (I am not proud of this but it is a knack that I have.) Tag you're all it!!!
Not too much to tell...
unmarried because I choose to be, much to Mom's chagrin.
Love my job, Love my friends, Love my family. I lucked out in these departments.
